Anorachnophobia : An irrational fear of spiders wearing waterproof clothing.
Balderdash : A rapidly receding hairline!
Catastrophe : First prize in a cat show!
Claustrophobia : An irrational fear of Father Christmas.
Coffer : One who coughs.
Coffee : One who is coughed upon.
Déjà Moo : The uncanny feeling that you’ve heard this kind of bull-shit before!
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Dulcet : A boring tennis match.
Factory : A set of encyclopaedias.
Faggot : A female maggot.
Flatulence : The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Lymph : To walk with a lisp.
Mammogram : An important message written on very large breasts.
Nanosecond : The precise moment (usually in the middle of Asda on a busy Saturday morning with junior throwing a major tantrum) when you finally realise that your mother was right all along!
Ohnosecond : The precise moment in you realise you’ve cocked up, BIG-TIME!
Pantry : An underwear cupboard.
Testicle : A humorous question in an exam.
Woodpecker : A medieval dildo.
To be continued . . .