Alimony : A contract that is taken out by two that is only paid out by one.
Antibody : The perverse fantasy you have for your uncles wife.
Assmosis : The process where certain people absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss!
Budget : An organised plan for living beyond your means.
Cobra : A brassiere for conjoined twins.
Consciousness : Those sober, mind-bogglingly dull periods between sleep.
Copulate : A slow response to a 999 call.
Coward : A man who thinks with his legs.
Expert : Someone who talks about a subject you know well and still makes you feel like an idiot.
Fortune : A barbershop quartet.
Gargoyle : Olive flavoured mouthwash.
Head Banger : A beakless Woodpecker.
Holes : Natives of Holland.
Intense : an absorbing camping holiday.
Juggler : A breast fetishist.
Laziness : An overwhelming ambition to do as little as possible in the longest possible time.
Matricide : To commit suicide on a rug.
Osmosis : An Australian prophet.
Seagull : A line manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, criticises everything, shits on everybody and flies off leaving nobody any the wiser.
To be continued . . .